LIVING ON A PRAYER

MODIFIED PEUGEOT 406 EXECUTIVE TURBO

Power at Flywheel (BHP): 192

Weight without Driver (KG): 1355

Drive Type: FWD

Power To Weight Ratio (BHP/Ton): 143.97

0-60mph (Secs): 7.40

0-100mph (Secs): 19.69

60-100mph (Secs): 12.29

Quarter Mile (Secs): 15.81 @ 89.59 MPH

Drag Quarter Mile (Secs): 15.61 @ 91.12 MPH

How does your car measure up? All you need to know is its current bhp figure and its exact weight: http://www.letstorquebhp.com/

^ If you see this in your rear view mirror, remember to give me lots of room to overtake! =)

^ The view most boy racers see the most of!

^ Enjoying some sun.

^ This car is prepared to do battle with the local Impreza boys, even if it is not currently quick enough to give them a real race.

^ If any car deserves an S16 badge, it's this Toyota MR2 killer!

^ Street sleeper: redefining "passive aggression".

^ The 406 is here.

NEW! PEUGEOT 406 VIDEOS - MY CAR IN ACTION!

I've been promising it for a while, so here are the first few videos of my car.

Video 1 - An engine bay or a toilet? (2,831kb)

Video 2 - The 406 war cry (7,361kb)

Video 3 - Car interior meets monkey cousin (4,679kb)

25 August 2004 Update

I still don't have any information about the Performance GTi day. I'm not sure if I'm going to have the Dastek fitted after all because I want to concentrate my funds on my Ebay shop. After racing a few Imprezas lately I'm not convinced my car needs any more power. I can practically keep up with the 2.0 turbo Imprezas and I'll never match a WRX so it seems to me that I should stop spending money that might end up causing too many wheelspin/piston-melting problems.

16 August 2004

It's official: my Peugeot 406 is now almost as fast as an Impreza 2.0 turbo. Someone was kind enough to accompany me along the streets of Rotherham in his Impreza. He did have a lot more low-end power than me, maybe a second faster to 60, but when my turbo was blaring in 4th, the Impreza was probably about 0.1 second quicker. How dramatic is that? I am not lying. To say I was happy about this is the understatement of the day. This is the second Impreza I've been able to match at high speed. I am striking a blow for 406 owners worldwide!

I'm selling parts from this car on Ebay. These parts include my original speakers and my original lowering springs. I am also selling the quickshift for half the price I bought it. Each of these items has several people watching them (but currently no bids) and have a few days left to run. This is your chance to own a genuine No Poet item! Just think, when I am a famous author/racing driver/Ebay merchant/hero, the items that were once owned by me and even graced my car are going to fetch a fortune. You can be super-generous if you want and send me random amounts of money via Paypal. Support the No Poet's attempt to make his 406 the most powerful in the country! Okay, I'll shut up now.

Thanks to all those who have sent me encouraging emails about my car. I didn't know there were so many 2.0 turbo owners out there. I can't respond because my webmail client is having a tantrum. Hopefully it will be sorted soon. I am working on an FAQ page which will answer the main questions.

I had to smile at one email which stated a lot of drivers think they can outrun his 406 turbo from the lights. I know the feeling, as I've annoyed many an Audi driver in my time! Trust me, it takes a proper car to match a 406 turbo. It's a genuine street sleeper.

Thought for the day: Modding your 406 unlocks potential you never knew it had.

11 August 2004 Update

I have booked my car in with John Noble Motorsport to have a Dastek Unichip fitted. This should take my car to somewhere between 210 and 225 bhp.

I am taking part in the Performance GTi Forum Thrash later this year. I will post more details as soon as I get them. I expect my car to be one of the faster vehicles there - and that's saying something considering the competition.

Visit my Ebay shop.

History of the Peugeot 406: Pretty boring, so jump straight to the pictures.

The 406 is among the most popular saloons (medium to large four-door) in Europe. For several years the 406 was the largest of the Lions. A sweeping success at its launch and still one of the UK's biggest-selling cars today, the 406 is a four-door saloon with enough room to transport 5 people in total comfort. The Peugeot 406 is also available in estate and coupe versions. There are no hatchbacks or open-topped variants of the 406.

The 406 touring car (2.0 V6 saloon with 310 bhp) raced throughout Europe. It didn't make much impact in the British Touring Car Championship but dominated races in Australia, Germany and France. No-one knows why the BTCC car could not match the success of its overseas counterparts.

Film appearances

Ronin: In what is often called the greatest car chase of all time, a Peugeot 406 pursues and runs down a BMW through a busy city. Both cars perform plenty of stunts on the way. The 406 survives the chase intact. Warning: this film is shit.

Taxi: A psychotic taxi driver called Daniel puts together the world's most powerful Peugeot 406 Mark 1 in this genuinely funny French film. Daniel's taxi switches from a powerful saloon into a ravening monster at the flick of a few switches. In the course of events Daniel manages to piss the German villains off by outrunning their suped-up Mercedes not once, but twice, in chase sequences that were filmed with the 406 actually appearing to drive through a city centre at 100mph. Daniel's best line, when he pulls up between the Germans' Mercs at a red light: "I know why my car was so slow the other day! I left the handbrake on!"

Taxi 2: Daniel's upgraded to the latest version of the 406, a Mark 2, into which he thoughtfully inserts a V12 engine and a few other mods including spring-out wings which enable the car to glide. This new 406 is able to outrun a gaggle of Lancer Evo 7s (I think the Evo 7 had just been launched at the time) in a genuinely amazing car chase.

Taxi 3: The final installment of the Taxi films involved three stunt car stand-ins for the Mark 2 406, all converted to four-wheel drive so they could drive on snow. I don't know anything about this film and haven't been able to get hold of it.

Diesel Engines: 1.9 TDi, 2.1 TDi, 2.0 HDi, 2.2 HDi

At one time the Peugeot 406 was the biggest selling diesel car in Europe. The 2.1 turbo diesel is as fast as a Golf GTi in a straight line. This is thanks to 110bhp and an astonishing (for the time) 185lb/ft of torque, and a terrific turbo boost that comes in at 2,000rpm.

Recently a 2.2 HDi engine with 135 bhp and 233 lb/ft of torque was launched to compete with the ever more sporty diesels produced by rival manufacturers.

Petrol Engines: 1.6, 1.8, 2.0, 2.0 T, 2.2, 3.0 V6

406 petrols are rare as horse feathers. This is because their fuel economy is pretty poor due to the large body size. Insurance can also be a bitch. Over the last year I've noticed an increasing number of modded up Peugeot 406 petrols. Lowering kits and aggressive-looking alloys seem to be mods of choice but I've also seen rear spoilers and aluminium mesh.

Visit my Ebay shop.

MY 406: The Pictures

My car is a pretty rare breed: a 2.0 Executive Turbo. If you can find one of these anywhere, you are doing well! The 2.0 Turbo engine was only produced for 2 years (1996-1998) and was then discontinued due to problems with the pistons, which were badly designed and can melt or break if the engine runs too much boost.

MODIFICATIONS

Turbo bleeder valve: Increased turbo boost pressure to 12 psi gaining +22 bhp (proven during setup on rolling road). Increased the urgency of acceleration.

Goodyear Eagle F1s: I was lucky enough to get hold of a set of 4 tyres. These are among the best sports tyres in the world; the Eagle F1s made the biggest difference out of all the modifications I have made, completely transforming the car's handling. I will not be buying any other brand of tyre in future. The F1s can cope with speeds up to 150mph.

JR Cone Filter and induction kit: Makes the car roar, and increased bhp by +1 or 2. Don't know about torque (I can't find my rolling road printout and cannot remember the torque figure. It was something like 185 lb/ft after modification). In the immediate future I hope to have a forced induction system installed.

Full stainless sports exhaust: An absolutely gorgeous bass roar which has improved bhp by +10. I can't remember how much extra torque it got me. The sports exhaust burbles whenever I lift off. Nice!

Lexus style rear lights: I was the first person in Britain to own a pair of these for a Mark 1 406.

Atmospheric Dump Valve: Group A hi-pressure twin piston dump valve. Dumps built-up pressure with a loud hissing sound. The dump valve has improved pickup under heavy acceleration and the sound is loud enough to be noticed without sounding like a job for the First Mainline mechanics.

Stiffened springs (30mm drop): This has definitely improved handling even though I haven't bought uprated dampers. The car feels a lot firmer and leaves corners looking a lot more poised. The high-speed ride is just amazing. It feels much more eager when turning, sometimes even feeling like it's going to oversteer, but the grip is HUGE! Because my car's interior is so comfortable, ride quality is still damn near perfect on poor surfaces.

Aluminium mesh: I know this is sometimes considered a bit "Nova Boy" (e.g. embarrassingly crap mod) but they do look pretty nice on the 406. I don't think mine was fitted very well so I might get it replaced.

PLANNED MODS

Quickshift: Saves around quarter of a second per gear change. This time can be spent accelerating. My gearbox is cable-based and the current Peugeot 406 quickshift will only fit on a rod-based gearbox. Damn.

Extra Camber: Dramatically improves the handling, but can lead to faster tyre wear. It would also be nice to be able to go sideways without feeling like I'm tearing the tyres to shreds.

Dastek Unichip: A reprogrammable chip which will give me an extra 10-30 bhp plus imrpoved throttle response and anti-lag capability. Dynotec and John Noble Motorsports tell me I'll see a big increase in performance and I should see 60 mph half a second quicker. My turbo will be uprated to 14 psi (the boost limit for my dump valve is 15). Note: This mod is being made on 08 September 2004.

Rear Spoiler: This is one of those things I used to think a saloon car should not be without. I've got used to my boot being smooth and featureless, but since a decent spoiler is only £110 or so this suits my shoestring budget. I'll probably get a standard 406 spoiler. I didn't like these at first but after seeing them on increasing numbers of modded 406s I have changed my mind!

Interior Redesign: If this goes ahead, it will involve the dash dials being replaced with those of the Mk 2 406 Executive - e.g. classy, not crappy white dials made of plastic a la boy racer. The central dash console which houses the stereo and environment controls will also have its black plastic replaced with something which matches the creme leather. I'll also have a boost meter and water temperature gauge for no other reason than they are cool.

Body Kit: Up until a few months ago there were a mere two bodykits available for the 406 in the UK (go to www.ecosse-peugeot.co.uk). Today, any search engine will find you a hundred different modded up 406s. My current favourite is the Moderno bodykit which turns the car into a Ferrari-styled sports saloon. The trouble is, I am in financial hot water, so I won't be able to splash out £2000 on a kit (including fitting and spraying) for a long time, if ever.

My second car - a Citroen ZX 1.4i Avantage.

Yes, my car accelerates to a higher speed in reverse than it does in 1st gear!